Green Light. Go.

INTRO
 
D Bm G A
 
 
VERSE D Bm
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
G A
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
D Bm
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
A G A
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
  D Bm
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
G A
Took your soul out into the night.
D Bm
It may be over but it won't stop there,
A G A
I am here for you if you'd only care.
 
 
D
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
 Bm
You changed my life and all my goals.
G
And love is blind and that I knew when,
G A
My heart was blinded by you.
D
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
 Bm
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
A
I know you well, I know your smell.
G A
I've been addicted to you.
 
 
 
CHORUS
D
Goodbye my lover.
 Bm
Goodbye my friend.
G
You have been the one.
G A
You have been the one for me. 
 
 

4 weeks. 4 days. 14 times a day (to prevent neighbours throwing rotten eggs and George throwing cold comments..). More than 40 times of try. I know I can do it. Just for you... =]

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Some people come and go. Some stay.

 Those who never understand you, they leave.
Those who know you better than yourself, they stay.

 He doesn't love me as much as He does.
He promised Never, yet gives me nothing.
He promised nothing, but gives me Forever.

 I am tired.
Triangle love is tough.
Rectangular love is tougher.

 We put four people in a circle.
Running around and chasing tails.

  
Last night, when I thought I could use a can of Heineken and 10 extra cigarettes to put myself to sleep so I can stop crying,I overestimated myself and my addictions. Then he called. Talked to me forever but not about forever. He promised me nothing, but it meant the whole world to me.

 If you're reading this..

 Even if I can't love you like I used to, I love you.

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Everyone has left the office for the well-deserved 1-2 hours lunch but here I am, sitting in the office, trying to sort out my Bangkok trip before Wed.

We have been working too hard...surely. It seems like a break is needed, long or short..someone has to decide. Someone has decided to take a short break while someone else has taken one with infinity period.

She quitted.
 
I foresee my jobscope expanding, and expanding in a week time, and maybe lasted for at least 6 months time. Am I ready for this challenge? I'm not sure.
 
To be honest, I have already sacrificed my social circle for my career. My days revolve around work, just work and more work.

I don't have time to meet up with friends, unless they come up to my place for a drink or something.

I don't have time to even make a trip to town to do my eyebrow - it has been too long. Tonight might be an opportunity. Right.

I dont have time to check my bills, so I paid everything without even knowing what is it.

I don't have time to think if I am making the right decision or not, because right or wrong, at least I decide on something.

I don't have time to think if I have treated you right or wrong, because I only have this much of time to love those who matter to me.
 
I am a little lost. I am not lying.
 
But in the circle of random unknowns and uncertainties, I strive to be stronger. It makes me a stronger person ever. I take what comes and make the best out of it. I don't need any comfort from anyone because I know I can do this myself. But along the way, I am very sure that there are some people that were neglected, some facts and truths that were ignored, and some feelings that were kept deep down inside. Not for anyone else to know.
 
I am not a person who like to explain things. And feelings.
 
I rather do it my way.
 
These few things have been kept in my heart for a while, waiting for the right opportunity to be released.
 
And so, today, here it goes...
 
1/ YOU. I'm worried for you. For anything, everything. You didn't know how I love you as a friend. You think I am trying to surpass you in everything. You're wrong. I remember I have mentioned it so many times to you that, no one is better, just that everyone is different. We all have our own uniquness and special traits that no one else has. I love you. As much as I still want to hang out with you, I feel that the connection between us has been broken. To what extent- I don't know. Because of what- I don't know. I just know that you can do so much better than this, and this is what I have always hoped for. I am glad you did brave, you did well. I am very proud of you. But for other things, lets put them aside and just think about how to be a better person.

2/ YOU. I loved you. I am sorry if reading my blog, hurts you. Hurting you, is the last thing I ever want to do. Those lovely days, those good memories, those sweet promises from you, and everything you have done for me - I remember. I remember it everyday. But now, I think it's time to put a stop and see where are we going next. It ain't so bad afterall. I know we still love each like we used to.
 
3/ YOU. You have grown so much and so far that I can't recognise you anymore. You're so pretty now. Do you still remember those funny moments we shared a long time ago? Do you still remember how you used to make me laughed and laughed and laughed till I fell down the staircase and stood up and laughed again? I never forget about you and us. I am sorry if I made you think I have given up on our friendship. I never. I just dont know how to save it now. 
 

Sometimes, we just don't know who we are anymore..when we are so caught up in our own lives. I am sorry. Really, sorry. For not being there.

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EVERYBODY MEETS YELLOW.

WOW!

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It's a bad idea really to take a nap from 7-9pm, because this is exactly what you'll get - staying awake at 2 am in the morning, and stalking on
exboyfriends on facebook. Urgh, it's a bad idea. Very bad. It makes me miss Melbourne so much now. :(

You know what do I miss the most of everything in Melbourne? The red couch in his apartment where we sit ourselves comfortably in front of tv, with his homecooked foods and the desserts after. I actually cut fruits and make yogurt with fruits with lotsa ice cream for desserts when I am in Melbourne ok?! When I am back here, shit, instant noodles is my main course, and cigarette is dessert. 
 
HORRIGIBLE! =/

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Time to time, I wonder, does being with me make you a better person?
 
Having 187 mails in the Zoosk inbox, doesn't really help.
It makes me more cynical in fact. I clicked on their profiles, and found no one likes you.
Then I think this is the end, and I am doomed.
 
Does it make you wonder if it is you I am talking about, or someone else?
 
You see, as I told you, we are insane to challenge human's natural capabilities to love two people at the same time. It's exhausting isn't it? It left too much room for guessing, imagining, supposing, judging, wondering, and thinking.
 
Sometimes I can't help to think that all these are fated, and it was meant to be like this. One more step to go and we will both be free. But that step, is too heavy, too costly for you to even think about it.
 
I sat down at the round dining table this afternoon, having my usual afternoon beer, staring at my fate in front of me, and thinking...
'shit, this predicament needs an end.'
 
'its either i perish, or we both perish.'
 
'its either we both perish, or all survive.'
 
'its either all survive, or all survive in hell.'
 
A better man...does being with me make you one already? If yes, I need to know whats the solution.
 
 
 
Okay, maybe not.
I am nuts I know.
'

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Because, relationship is just a part of our lives, but an important part. Our lives is like a jigsaw puzzle, we are trying our best to collect every single piece that makes our lives complete. Some fit in, and some don't. It's like a censoring process, the truth it is, sadly yes it is. Sometimes, we get a piece of jigsaw that doesn't fit in the whole picture, but we sacrifice the latter, and rebuild a new one just to fit the unfit piece in.

I am not very sure if this is the case right now, but I am quite certain that this is a piece that I always wanted. I try my best to fit it in but to no avail. I change my paths, and leave some of my dreams as dreams, just to make sure I carry this unfit piece with me everywhere I go. I just want to make things good,better than it could be.

But along the way, it cuts my hands, it breaks my heart, it makes me wonder if this is really the piece that can fit into my life puzzle. I wonder, but I am still sure. I never doubt anything, anyone. It's myself and the path I am on, that I am doubting.

It takes some time for me to clear my mind and be more certain of the roads in my life.

***

Hurtful words, sarcasm, and broken things..lets deal with them later.

Enjoy the well-deserved break, be good and cool at work, remember your meals and your medicine pouch, go easy on the ciggies and beer, try to sleep before the dawn breaks, have a blast at the premier celebration this weekend, and just remember, I never forget about our dreams. OUR dreams. We will reach there, one day. 
 
Just focus, nothing else matters anymore. For now.

I love and loved you. More than you know it. 

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Somehow I wish, things were simpler, happier.
Somehow I wish, we don't belong to anybody else.
 
Somehow I wish, you are you, but not you.

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After so long, I still can't help but to think that...
I let you get the best of me.
But you never were the best for me.
 
The day I thought I'd never get through,
I finally got over you.

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Too many things had happened lately.
Not very good things they are.
I am definitely not in the right state to make any wise decision.

I will just wait for everything to cool off before anything.
 
Nothing else matters anymore.
I just want to pick up the pieces and move on.
Nothing can bring me down.
It's tough, but I will make it through.
 
Nothing else matters anymore.

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