Everyone has left the office for the well-deserved 1-2 hours lunch but here I am, sitting in the office, trying to sort out my Bangkok trip before Wed.
We have been working too hard...surely. It seems like a break is needed, long or short..someone has to decide. Someone has decided to take a short break while someone else has taken one with infinity period.
She quitted.
I foresee my jobscope expanding, and expanding in a week time, and maybe lasted for at least 6 months time. Am I ready for this challenge? I'm not sure.
To be honest, I have already sacrificed my social circle for my career. My days revolve around work, just work and more work.
I don't have time to meet up with friends, unless they come up to my place for a drink or something.
I don't have time to even make a trip to town to do my eyebrow - it has been too long. Tonight might be an opportunity. Right.
I dont have time to check my bills, so I paid everything without even knowing what is it.
I don't have time to think if I am making the right decision or not, because right or wrong, at least I decide on something.
I don't have time to think if I have treated you right or wrong, because I only have this much of time to love those who matter to me.
I am a little lost. I am not lying.
But in the circle of random unknowns and uncertainties, I strive to be stronger. It makes me a stronger person ever. I take what comes and make the best out of it. I don't need any comfort from anyone because I know I can do this myself. But along the way, I am very sure that there are some people that were neglected, some facts and truths that were ignored, and some feelings that were kept deep down inside. Not for anyone else to know.
I am not a person who like to explain things. And feelings.
I rather do it my way.
These few things have been kept in my heart for a while, waiting for the right opportunity to be released.
And so, today, here it goes...
1/ YOU. I'm worried for you. For anything, everything. You didn't know how I love you as a friend. You think I am trying to surpass you in everything. You're wrong. I remember I have mentioned it so many times to you that, no one is better, just that everyone is different. We all have our own uniquness and special traits that no one else has. I love you. As much as I still want to hang out with you, I feel that the connection between us has been broken. To what extent- I don't know. Because of what- I don't know. I just know that you can do so much better than this, and this is what I have always hoped for. I am glad you did brave, you did well. I am very proud of you. But for other things, lets put them aside and just think about how to be a better person.
2/ YOU. I loved you. I am sorry if reading my blog, hurts you. Hurting you, is the last thing I ever want to do. Those lovely days, those good memories, those sweet promises from you, and everything you have done for me - I remember. I remember it everyday. But now, I think it's time to put a stop and see where are we going next. It ain't so bad afterall. I know we still love each like we used to.
3/ YOU. You have grown so much and so far that I can't recognise you anymore. You're so pretty now. Do you still remember those funny moments we shared a long time ago? Do you still remember how you used to make me laughed and laughed and laughed till I fell down the staircase and stood up and laughed again? I never forget about you and us. I am sorry if I made you think I have given up on our friendship. I never. I just dont know how to save it now.
Sometimes, we just don't know who we are anymore..when we are so caught up in our own lives. I am sorry. Really, sorry. For not being there.
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